Meet Curious Todd

Dr. Todd Kashdan, associate professor in the Department of Psychology at George Mason University, shares the key spice in life's recipe with his first book, "Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life."

Q: Describe the process of writing "Curious."

A: After 10 years of researching this topic and treating clients and teaching classes, it was a labor of love to put these ideas into book-length form. For nine months, I devoted at least three hours a day to writing… For me, the hardest part of writing this book was making sure that I didn't deprive my wife or children from my time or affection. This often meant that I was often alone and sleep deprived, typing away at 3 a.m.

Q: What is it about "Curious" that distinguishes itself from other books on fulfill-ment?

A: This is not a book about happiness… This is a book about living a life that matters with a broader view about what the "good life" entails… When you take a broad view of what matters, an important question remains that this entire book hinges on. What is the central ingredient to creating a fulfilling life? The answer is curiosity. Being curious is about appreciating and seeking out the new. It's about being flexible, recognizing the freshness of the familiar. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, we embrace uncertainty. When we are open to new experiences, when we relish the unknown, positive events linger longer and we extract more pleasure and meaning from them. By acting on our curiosity, we explore and dis-cover new things about ourselves, other people, and the world… Without being curious and open to experiences, we stop growing as a person and lose our ability to capitalize on the rewards that life has to offer.

Q: Briefly describe the essential elements you say are needed to create a fulfilling life.

A: Based on the research, a few of the essential elements for a fulfilling life are: lasting, meaning-ful relationships, an attitude of openness and curiosity toward whatever it is we attend to, grati-tude, and making sure that we devote time and energy to work toward goals that are aligned with our deepest values and interests.

Q: Can you briefly describe a practical exercise that can aid someone in becoming a "curious explorer?"

A: Find the unfamiliar in the familiar. One way to become more curious is to stop allowing the past to govern the present. There are many things we don't do because we predict that it will be unpleasant. For example, many people (including myself) say that they love all types of music except "country and rap." Yet, most people never really listen to country and rap music… In this intervention, take part in activities with a single assignment: discover three novel or unique things about what you are doing, the activity itself, or anything else. It could be anything. Then write about them or talk about them to someone. The goal of this task is to become fully aware in the present moment, suspend positive and negative judgments, and attend to how things are and not how we expect them to be.

Q: Describe your own journey in embracing uncertainty and demonstrating "psychological flexibility."

A: I detail my own journey in this book. My father left my family when I was 2 years old and my mother died when I was a young teenager. From this point onward, I was raised by my grand-mother. I learned far too early that we live in an uncertain, unpredictable world… Without much parental guidance, I had a great deal of freedom to experiment with how to act, what interests to pursue, and what values will form the bedrock foundation for making decisions among the tyranny of options around me… Through my own trial-and-error process of discovering my strengths, interests, and values, I developed a firm foundation of who I am as a person. With this confidence, it's been easier to take risks and go into situations with the intention of extracting whatever rewards are being offered instead of imposing my own expectations and needs.

Q: What challenges do people typically face when exploring curiosity?

A: Somewhere on the way to adulthood, many of us lose that boundless curiosity that exemplified our youth. Most disturbing of all is the degree to which the desire to be in control, feel certain, feel safe, and feel intelligent control us. Our preconceptions and prejudices control us and we forget to be alive in the present moment. We are on autopilot far too often. We forget that life is an ongoing personal experiment.

Q: You've lectured on well-being over the years and have assigned many exercises to stretch one's curiosity limit. What are some interesting findings in reading student responses?

A: People often take their friends, family, and romantic partners for granted. When we think we become experts about who they are, we stop paying attention. When I give people the exercise to look at someone they have known for years from the perspective of someone who never met them, I am amazed at what happens. People discover that their loved ones can still surprise them… I remember one student who was with her boyfriend for seven years. For the assignment, she agreed to go to a hockey game with him after years of letting him go on his own with friends. She was surprised by his energy and aggressiveness… Her initial shock morphed into intrigue. She realized how enjoyable it is to see the less dominant sides of his personality and how much she might be ignoring on a daily basis. This mindset switch is what can invigorate relationships. It's great to watch it unfold over the course of a single weekend because of a homework assignment.

Kyle Ridley can be reached at

WANT IT?

» TITLE: "Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life," by Todd Kashdan, Ph. D

» ABOUT THE AUTHOR: toddkashdan.com

» PURCHASE: Online and in most bookstores. $17.15 on Amazon.com

» BOOK SIGNING: May 2 at 7:30 p.m., Borders Books & Music, 11054 Lee Highway, Fairfax