MOM ON THE RUN: Victory comes in battle against new technology

It was deliberately planned, but really, it might not have been the best decision for me to attempt to install DSL Internet service by myself this past week. My whole family was out of town — husband, teenage daughter, teenage son — all of whom were much more likely to do it successfully.

But this is the week, because everyone’s absence means nobody’s here to need the computers, means the evening schedule is free, means the one person still at home has hours available to sit on hold with tech support.

And, I considered, an hour after starting the process, an hour of unfolding and refolding the “Quick Start Guide,” of feeding wires through holes, of plugging filters onto phone cords, while I was not the best suited for the job, I think I did it! The phones were all working, my computer was working, my Internet was working. Without the husband or the teenage daughter or the teenage son, I did it.

Except for the wireless router. I had to disconnect that to connect the new DSL modem, and didn’t know how to plug that back in — the router’s cable came off the back of the computer, but the new modem went into its hole, and there wasn’t another hole that size and shape. But that, I figured, I’d tackle tomorrow.

And I went downstairs, did the crossword puzzle, and basked in self-pride. Ha! I am technologically capable! Me! In fact, I felt so capable, so confident that … no, I decided. No, I’m not going to wait until tomorrow. I’m going to hook up that router today, right now, while I’m in the computer groove. Let’s finish the job tonight.

So back upstairs I strode, and switched the computer back on. Confidently. Capably. Turned it on, and the lights flashed and the screen blinked, and everything came up … and froze. Right there, my screen just froze, with WeatherBug open, a new “Install security suite” box in the corner, and all my icons tidily in their rows. But nothing moved. Around and around I slid the mouse, trying to X away the boxes, but nothing happened. Nothing! It was all frozen.

Worry surging, I hit Ctrl+Alt+Del, the only computer fix-it I know. And the Task Manager box came up, but … nothing. My screen was still frozen. I slid the mouse, I jiggled the mouse, I clicked, but … nothing.

I sit and stare, cold fear gripping me. What am I going to do? What if this new DSL has killed my computer? What if I installed it wrong? If I can’t get past this home screen, how can I possibly uninstall?

Oh no, I think, rubbing my face. I should never, ever have tried this alone. All those other people who live here, those more technological people, they should have done this, not me. What was I thinking?

And oh, how upset they’ll be when they come home and find out that nobody has internet, because I insisted on “improving” a perfectly functional system.

I turn the computer back off, and on, hoping. Off and on. Off and on. Three times, the same result — frozen. Frozen in doom and despair.

Until I realize: the mouse! Maybe that’s what’s not working! The mouse, not the computer!

“Shoo, shoo!” I shove the startled dogs out of the way as I race downstairs for fresh batteries. “Shoo!” I shove them out of the way again as I race back up. Open the hatch, click in the batteries, and … oh! The cursor moves! Miracle of miracles, it was the mouse, a horrible and unlikely coinciding of new programs and old batteries. Sweet relief floods down my neck, down my back, and I slump, spent, into the chair.

Until: hey! Not only did I install DSL by myself, but I diagnosed and solved a problem by myself too! I sit up straight, my confident, capable glow returned. And “Install security suite now,” I click. After all, why not?

Lianne Wilkens lives with her family in Manassas. She can be reached at liannewilkens@hotmail.com, or follow her on Twitter @MessengerMOTR.