The USS Lake Erie has sunk my satellite

Navy veterans like myself probably did a lot of chest thumping last week when the cruiser USS Lake Erie shot down a crippled U.S. spy satellite as it fell toward earth at 17,000 miles per hour.

Ha! Let’s see the Air Force top that.

The Lake Erie — a sister ship of the infamous USS Vincennes — took out the satellite with a guided missile while steaming northwest of Hawaii. While watching the action on big screens at the Pentagon Wednesday night, U.S. military officials could be heard saying (in a voice similar to Beavis and Butthead) “that was pretty cool… heh-heh, heh-heh. Let’s blow up something else!”

Prime candidates for the next shootdown are satellites beaming signals for Al Jazeera and the adult-oriented Spice Network. The MSNBC satellite is also a candidate for termination if the network doesn’t put a muzzle on that Keith Olbermann guy before the next presidential election.

The crew of the Lake Erie should be proud to have shot a missile at something other than a test drone. I spent four years on the guided missile frigate USS Copeland and we shot a grand total of two missiles over that time period out on the Pacific Missile Test Range off southern California. Only once did we have “a white bird on the rail” and that was in the Persian Gulf when an Iraqi bomber flew too close to us while escorting U.S. tankers in 1988.

The missile shot conducted by Lake Eire — if you believe what you read in the newspapers — was necessary to destroy the satellite’s fuel tank, which contained 1,000 pounds of hydrazine. I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure it does wonders for a 15-year-old’s acne.

The fuel was hazardous and suddenly the U.S. government became environmentally conscious. Another reason for the shootdown was to keep pieces of the satellite from hitting innocent people on the ground. Still, statisticians say you have a better chance at being hit by a wayward spy satellite than winning the $260 million Mega Millions jackpot.

So what type of thanks does Uncle Sam get for showing concerns for both the environment and the welfare of our fellow man? Nothing. All we got were dirty looks from the Russians and Chinese. Pure contempt.

If that’s the case, then I think the Pentagon made the right decision.

Let’s cut through the chase. The massive Skylab fell to earth in the summer of 1979 and the only thing Uncle Sam did was yell “fore!” Remains of the space station fell into the Ocean off Australia and the largest piece of wreckage recovered was the size of a beer keg.

This case was different. I’m no rocket scientist but I’m confident that if we have a spy satellite falling out of orbit, there’s a good chance its descent will be in line with those countries being spied on. No one wants our best spy technology landing in Iran or at Vladimir Putin’s summer retreat.

Then there’s the whole missile shield theory. Much like President Reagan’s “Star Wars” initiative, the Chinese and former Soviets object to any form of missile defense. Heck, I object to it simply because the cost will probably bankrupt America.

Still, if it upsets China and Russia, it has merit. A viable missile defense only softens the market for the sale of ballistic missile technology to places like Iran, North Korea and Pakistan.

Maybe this whole missile shield initiative is bunk. But it’s nice to know that we can put an Aegis cruiser to good use every now and then. A falling satellite is a little more difficult to shoot down than a MiG-28 or an Iranian Airbus.

At the end of the day, the missile shot was an example of good training, planning and Navy know-how. The Pentagon was even careful enough to wait an extra day to allow the Space Shuttle Atlantis to get out of the way. NASA has enough problems with loose tiles without having to dodge missiles.

Alfred Biddlecomb is the former Opinion Page editor for the Potomac News and Manassas Journal Messenger. Since he is still a resident of this area and knows quite a few things about life in Virginia, we have asked him to contribute his thoughts to this page every Tuesday.